The Importance of Being Honest

This has been a long week.

I've always loved the Easter season – time with family, the glorious message of Christ's resurrection, and chocolate. Loads of chocolate. In many ways, the whole holiday is like the grand meal my family shares together: comforting, satisfying, and fulfilling for hours (or even days) afterward.

This year, though, the Easter message took on a new color. My friend's death hung over my head like the proverbial raincloud, casting shadows on the season's usual sunshiny joy. The Maundy Thursday service I attended and took part in brought tears to my eyes as I realized all over again the extent of Christ's sacrifice. Death itself had become more real, more painful. As we sang on Sunday morning, “O Death, where is your sting?”, I knew exactly where it was. The pain of losing Josh had been sporadically poking and prodding at me for days, and for the first time, I truly felt death's sting. Knowing that I had missed an opportunity to fully befriend this young man, that there was nothing I could do – it was heartbreaking to feel so powerless.

But then it hit me. This is exactly why Christ came to earth and made the ultimate sacrifice. Because I was already powerless; a sinner, deserving of an eternity of torment. Even if there had been something I could do to save Josh from his early passing, there is nothing I could do for his soul. Josh had placed his life and his future in the hands of the one Person who could direct his path and give him eternity with the Father. Because of this, I will one day have that opportunity to sit with Josh and laugh and worship with him. All because of Christ's gift and the Easter story.

I take comfort in that, and I praise Jesus for this beautiful truth. Though, this whole thing has inspired a certain need to express my appreciation for my loved ones. Our days are numbered, and no one knows when their final one will come. I need to make sure that you all know just how much you mean to me. I won't name names, but if I write to you here, I think you'll be able to find yourself in the list below.

#1 – You , beloved, are definitely my earthly number one. The love we share has changed me in innumerable ways, almost entirely for the better. ;) Your wit, your smile, your overflowing love for me are sometimes the only things that carry me through a long day. I can't imagine living out life on this earth with anyone else by my side. I love you, sweetheart.

#2 – You just might know me better than even my husband. Since we were kids, you've been the one who sticks up for me, and you taught me to stick up for myself. You pulled me out of my shy little shell and stood with me through every jerk that broke my heart. Thanks for being you; for knowing who you are and refusing to apologize for it. You are, have been, and always will be my best friend. :)

#3 – What can I say? You raised me, you loved me unconditionally, and you played a huge part in forming the woman I am today. You inspire me to constantly press on to find a better version of myself. You make me want to be healthier, both physically and spiritually. If I become half of the woman of God I see in you, I'll consider my time on this earth a success. Thank you for never giving up on me.

#4 – I definitely get my wry sense of humor and my temper from you. I know you like to say that I'm my mother's child, but in many ways I reflect you, too (or at least I hope so). Your fierce loyalty to your spouse, your work ethic, your naturally jovial nature – all things I aspire to. I hope you know how much I look up to you and admire you. Thanks for being there for all my important moments.

#5 – Sure, we didn't get along as kids, but look at us now. It's so strange to see you prepare for marriage, but I think you've found the person God meant for you. You are ever in my thoughts and prayers, and I know that you'll find who you're supposed to be and where you're supposed to go. Keep turning to Christ in both good times and bad, and know that we're always here for you. Love you, bro.

#6 – I know you don't always think it, but you are beautiful. I don't say it often enough, but you have been blessed with a lovely voice and it makes me happy to see you use it for Christ. We don't always get along, but I always have and will always love you, sis. I hope you know that you can always come to me for advice or a shoulder to cry on.

#7 – It amazes me sometimes how quickly a new person in your life can become indispensable. I spend all week looking forward to our hang-out nights, and I know I can come to you both in times of celebration and sadness. You truly are my sister in Christ, almost like family, and I have the utmost respect for you. Thanks for being an example for me to aspire to and a girlfriend to swap married stories with. :)

#8 – Much like your wife, you've been a wonderful friend and inspiration. It seems there's a new facet to your personality around every corner, and I don't think I'll ever tire of picking your brain. You are a great mentor and teacher, and in many ways, almost like a big brother. If you ever want to follow through on that ancient Pictonary bet, I'm totally up for those cooking lessons. :)

#9 & #10 – The two of you have become a permanent staple in me and my husband's lives, and I certainly don't mind. #9, sharing the Masterworks experience with you and getting to know you better has been a lot of fun, and I hope it continues. #10, you're good at making me laugh, and #1 and I are both glad to have you back in the area. If you two wanna hang out, you know where to find us.

#11-1,473 – I don't think I actually have this many friends, but you all bless me in different ways. From the ladies at church who always have a kind word, to my college friends who shared laughs with me in the music building, to my coworkers at both Taylor and Ivanhoe's. I'm not one to choose to spend time with people who are better at tearing down than building up. Life is too short to allow destructive people to rule your life. Each person who reads this and knows me is a unique gift, and I hope you know how much I appreciate the community of family and friends that surround me.

...This was a really long post. For that, I apologize. But really, I love all of you, and I need to make sure you know that. Goodnight, friends.